Icicles, north winds, icicles

' I am one with the wind and sky'- Idina Menzel, Let it Go from Disney's Frozen. 

I, the uncomfortable,
I, the old well of secrets-- now exposed
I, the hard to reach to,
The hard to open up to --
I am frozen. I am timeless.
An icicle, I am
Sharp around the edges,
I trawl coolness,
crave sunlight but I
 fear
melting
because dissolving into others
unfreezes
my heartbeats.
I fear disappearing into nothing
because I never became
something
or someone-
They said my heart was
white like feathery snow
Our hearts are washed by choice
we white wash them,
then tint them with edelweiss
before they are dipped in nitrogen, frozen.
I poured my heart onto a mirror
One that I chattered
with two bloody hands and drained fingernails
I broke my own mirror, my heart
I splashed it onto little children
Like pus.
A long night of staring at myself in many faces
was all it took to break the mirror
The mirror, that mirror showed
the many shades of Maybeline
I covered up with
I now reek blood, vomit and shame.
Last night I couldn't sleep
I had kissed a boy, twice
Now tears stream into my ears
the soft pillow beneath me hardens my head
My ribs clank,
I shiver, not out of cold
it is my soul that shivers
anti-froze, expose
I am the comfortable,
I am a long array, a ridge
To the winds and the night
I am open.